What Is The Father Wound?

You may not recognize the term “father wound,” but you probably know the more popular phrase “daddy issues.” And while it’s mostly associated with women, men are just as likely to be impacted negatively by their fathers.

Definition: father absenteeism, whether emotionally or both emotionally and physically, and/or your father being very critical, controlling, negative and even abusive character, can impact individuals and their future relationships in so many ways. Role of the father is a sense of self confidence and a role model for a man's loving expression in relationships.

The effect of a father wound is low self-esteem, a deep emotional pain inside and a performance orientation that makes us "doers" rather than "beings."

In a Man - depression: individuals may feel a sense of loss or grief from a lack of closeness, bond, or love with dad and also anger: individuals with a father wound often experience anger or rage, often struggling with emotional regulation or repeating patterns similar to their own father.

In a Woman - Difficulty regulating emotions is another common sign of the “Father Wound”. As women, our fathers play a significant role in our emotional development, especially how we perceive love, admiration, fulfilment, and success. This may lead to mood swings and an inability to regulate emotion and how we perceive our own success. Women who may appear to have it all together, may find themselves struggling with self-worth issues and emotional instability -- both common signs of the “father wound” If we rarely receive the validation of our fathers, it will erode our self-worth and confidence. This leaves us with self-doubt, a lack of assertiveness, and a fear of making mistakes. 

An overprotective, overly critical, and controlling father can also cause a wound – leaving a woman afraid of failure, challenged with perfectionism or a constant desire to control. Achievements become the means to earn love and acceptance, yet deep inside she feels nothing is ever good enough. Women will fall into a state of hustle, over work, and burnout. Never being satisfied by these unrealistic expectations leads to an underlying disappointment, and these powerful women begin to look and act like victims instead of living in their power.

Women who grew up without a present and involved father may struggle to trust others -- particularly men -- and avoiding getting close to others is common. These women often have feelings of underlying anger towards men and may have difficulties in forming lasting intimate relationships. Women may feel uncomfortable being vulnerable or struggle with sexual expression. They may even weaponize their sexuality as a means of gaining validation or control.